In the weeks that followed this gathering with the ex-members from the Moonies and the Faith movement, my eyes began to be opened in a new way. I began to think seriously about some of the unpalatable truths about the things I had encountered during my three years in the movement — things that I had refused to consider at the time. I began to be seriously worried about the fact that many people had been so badly damaged, and I thought that if I became a pastor I would certainly not like to be responsible for the things these people had been going through.
Eventually I visited a spiritual counsellor who had experience of the movement, and who was trying to counteract the negative effects. Our conversation confirmed what I already knew from my own experience:- People who listen to the Faith preachers without having an understanding of the grace of God can end up finding themselves in a hopeless battle against the powers of darkness, and in the worst cases, this can lead to an acute psychotic condition (loss of sanity).
I understood that I had been well on the way towards the latter during my first term at the Bible school. Fortunately, in my case, I was rescued from that battle. I had been allowed to see what was only a glimpse of the implications of the grace of God, and just this glimpse was enough to save me from going out of my mind and becoming ill with a serious psychosis.
The man I visited for pastoral care advised me to buy a couple of Bible Concordances, which I did. During the following two weeks, I went through all the Bible verses on the subjects of: faith, a right view of man, the atonement, and leadership. In addition, I was reading all the books I could get hold of, regarding cults and cultic groups. During those weeks, I wavered backwards and forwards regarding a positive and negative view of the Faith doctrines. I was still not totally certain as to what to believe.
Then I went to the same person again for more pastoral care. After our conversation, he prayed for me that I would be delivered from the destructive influence I had been subjected to. Later that night, when I was sitting on my own, the realisation finally dawned on me just how serious the whole matter was. I wept for a long time, and then I sat down and wrote a long letter to one of my friends in the movement, telling him that I was leaving, and that he would probably think in the same way that I would have thought myself only a month ago, and consider me to be totally confused and deceived by the devil.
That night, I was delivered from the effects of the mind control I had been under. I knew that something did not fit in the Faith movement, though at first I found it difficult to put my finger on exactly what it was. I was now entering into what became a recovery phase, lasting several years. I will describe this phase in later chapters.
