A couple of videos helped me to return to independent thinking in spite of the fact that I had made myself very defensive spiritually, and determined to reject any information that might shake my confidence in the movement as being a true revival from God. Nevertheless, some of the films did make an impression on me.
The first was a documentary about the de-programming of an American cult member. This person would laugh condescendingly and have a faraway and still facial expression, as she totally rejected the attempts of family members and others, who tried to talk to her about her engagement in a Bible-based cult. She was behaving just like I had done. It was actually like seeing myself on the TV screen. It was quite clear to me that the person on the screen was sick and behaving abnormally, and that she was, in fact, brainwashed. The really shocking part to me was that I could also clearly see that I, myself, was behaving in exactly the same manner.
The next video was a documentary about Jim Jones, the pastor who made 900 of his members commit suicide in the South American jungle. During one of his sermons, Jim Jones shouted: “I am God!” Suddenly, I remembered how my own pastor, during one of his sermons, had shouted exactly the same words, and used exactly the same tone of voice. This realisation shocked me deeply.
The third video was an interview with Johanna Michaelsen, a Christian woman who had formerly been a spiritualist. During her time of practising spiritualism, she had made contact with a spiritual being who was called Jesus, and whom she had worshipped. She had been using exactly the same principles as the ones I had learned in the Faith movement; that is, visualisation and confession. Confession means that you positively affirm whatever you wish to become true, and you do this by making statements as if your wishes have already been fulfilled. By speaking in this way you expect the words to have a magical power to change reality. She maintained that it is a well known fact among occultists that these techniques can bring you into contact with the occult spiritual world.
Visualisation is done by producing a mental picture in your mind of whatever you want, and then bringing it into existence by your own mind power. For example, if you want to experience the presence of Jesus, you produce a mental picture of Jesus; and aided by this inner picture, you can experience His presence. According to Johanna, it does not make much difference whether these exercises are carried out in an occult group or in a Christian setting. She pointed out that the “Jesus” that comes to you in this fashion is not the true, Biblical Jesus. At best, it can only be a product of our own fantasy, and at worst, it may be a demon disguised as an angel of light.
By confession you speak out the words, expecting by this to release power that will make the presence of Jesus a concrete reality. It actually means that you, by your techniques, can make Jesus materialise and experience His presence — or do the same regarding whatever else you may want.
The great difference between this “visualisation confession” and prayer to God, is that in the first case, it is you yourself who make sure that your prayer, or rather your proclamation, is answered, even if it has to be aided by occult powers; whereas in the case of genuine prayer, you leave it to God to give the answer.
This Jesus had come to Johanna as a wonderful being of light, who had actually helped her. She told that great signs and wonders had happened, including miraculous healings. But it had been performed by a Jesus who did not stick to the message of the Bible; and by and by, he turned out to have some evil sides as well. In other words, he was another Jesus than the Jesus of the Bible!
In her time as a spiritualist, Johanna Michaelsen was fully convinced that the signs and wonders she encountered in her work were from God. She had defended her position by referring to her states of emotion, and to healings, for instance, which she thought could only be from God — and of course, it surely could not be the devil that was casting out demons!
Listening to her, I was confronted with someone who used to defend her involvement in spiritualism in exactly the same way as I defended my involvement in the Faith movement! This was a shocking discovery to me, and I realised that I simply had to re-think the whole basis of my position.
When I heard all this, I became profoundly shaken because it made me realise that feelings, voices and supposed revelations were not to be trusted. Did this mean that the Jesus I had worshipped and been in contact with was another Jesus? From that time onwards, I only dared to rely on the Jesus Who is described in the Bible.
