When I left the Faith movement after having been an enthusiastic adherent for three years, it was both difficult and encouraging. It was encouraging to rediscover my old self and my old interests and friends. Hearing comments such as: “Now I recognise you again!”, warmed my heart. So did a friend’s expression of genuine joy after hearing that I had got out. Now it even became exciting to listen to preachers from outside the Faith movement. Hitherto, I had completely ignored Christians from outside the movement, but I came to value them very highly. I had not realised that something like reading the Apostles Creed or taking communion could mean so much to me.

Initially, it was hard to adjust and to evaluate things afresh. In moments of inner turmoil, the thoroughly programmed thought of having gone against the will of God kept coming up. This is the effect of the indoctrination which makes members think that criticising or leaving the movement is synonymous with defying God.

While you are in the movement, you have learnt to regard any unwanted emotions as lies of the devil; and you have learnt to trample on your negative feelings until you do not even recognise them any more. Then, upon leaving the movement and its rituals, you suddenly find that the repressed feelings return with re-doubled strength. This return of repressed conflicts and emotions may be difficult to handle all at once.

As frozen emotions begin to thaw, both pleasant and unpleasant thoughts will reappear. It may be difficult to handle the unpleasant ones, such as anxiety and depression. These emotions are often interpreted as demonic attacks or even possession by ex-members and, therefore, it adds to the burden. The most natural explanation of these emotions is that they are the result of the mind control and emotional repression that you have subjected yourself to.

Deborah Davis, daughter of cult leader, Moses David, says about her own experience of leaving the Children of God: “Coming out of a cult is more difficult by far than being in. While in, it is a simple matter of keeping one’s head in the sand and staying blind to reality. But in emerging from a life of falsehood and sin, it becomes a painfully excruciating experience to face life as it truly is, accepting that you have been wrong, terribly wrong. In coming out, moreover, we had no foundation of truth on which to stand. We had been programmed to hate and condemn the churches and to stay away from established Christianity. My dad had destroyed faith in the Bible through his perverted interpretations, so I couldn’t turn to it for guidance. Each time I tried to read it, I only became more confused because it reminded me of all the twisted doctrines Dad had preached. Coming out was hell!” ⁹⁷

I recognise this description of post-cult life very well, although I did not have as much trouble approaching established Christianity, but the kind of problems Davis describes concerning Bible reading sound all too familiar.

Trying to get involved in established Christianity again was not an entirely positive experience. At first, it was a severe disappointment to meet some Christians who did not seem to comprehend the seriousness of what was going on in the Faith movement. This was usually because they had a more or less positive attitude to the movement. However, if you got this kind of response after having poured out your heart, it sometimes felt as though you had been betrayed.

There were also some people who were preaching things that were somewhat removed from basic Christianity, but among those who did stick to Biblical Christianity, it was hard to find the kind of zeal that I had been used to in the Faith movement. Disillusionment with Christianity was not very far away.

It is my experience that a lot of the people who leave the movement are battling with thoughts that they may be inhabited by demons. Maybe they are hearing voices and having visionary disturbances. I have, nevertheless, come to the conclusion that this was not the case with most of the people I have had contact with. It is well known that mind control can have effects that are similar to schizophrenia, depression or neurotic problems. People who have been under teachings like the Faith teaching would easily interpret these symptoms as demon possession. But in most cases, the symptoms will lessen gradually as people become rehabilitated.

However, even when it is not a case of demonization, I do not wish in any way to minimise the spiritual battle that one may pass through. When someone has been caught in a serious heresy, it is, ultimately, a case of evil powers that are behind it. Therefore, whoever seeks liberation from the false teaching or resists it, is in a spiritual battle. It can be vital to get support from others in prayer and fellowship. Such support may well be the deciding factor whether a person finally breaks through to liberty, or not.

In my experience, the healing proceeds much better when you forget about the demons, regardless of whether they are real or imagined, and just pray to God — simply and briefly, in your own language. Then you read a verse from the Bible, take part in Christian fellowship, and live your everyday life simply and naturally. In this way, the wounds get time to heal. It has also been a help to me to acknowledge in prayer before God that I have been guilty of accepting powers that were not from Him, and then to get help from Him to reject those powers.

The reason my times of prayer and Bible-reading had to be only brief periods during the beginning of my recovery was, that I simply was not able to concentrate for a longer time without getting bogged down in many different thoughts and emotions. If this happened, I felt I was on shaky ground and the old programming of the various methods of prayer and interpretations of Scripture would return against my will and begin to torment me — in that case, my times with the Lord would be merely a battle rather than edifying.

In the beginning, I found it hard to handle speaking in tongues, and found it better to stick to praying in my own plain simple words. This was because both speaking in tongues and other forms of prayer had been so strongly influenced and used by the mind-controlling pressures of the movement, that only by sticking to simple, clear, and easily controlled thoughts — and often even written prayers, such as the “Our Father,” — could I be sure that I was praying sincerely, from my heart, and not being carried away by any compulsive or mixed emotions.

When thoughts and emotions would tend to run out of control, it was actually a help to have to live an ordinary everyday life, and having to relate to people on a day-to-day basis was a very effective way to keep in contact with reality. It was also important to keep in contact with some people who understood what I had been through, and to be able to talk to them about it; and this was almost the most healing influence during the first and most difficult period. But even later on, you may feel the need now and again to ventilate your feelings to someone who really knows where you are coming from. At first, your need for this may be almost insatiable, and the contact with others who have had similar experiences can be very important.

When you no longer experience the elating feelings that are generally a part of the “Faith” meetings, quite a number of people will return to the original source of their spiritual intoxication. In my experience, it is necessary to totally avoid any contact with the movement or any other circles with similar teachings or a similar spiritual atmosphere and practices. A former alcoholic cannot allow himself to touch a single pint again, but has to abstain totally in order to avoid a relapse. This is the way it has been both for me and many others regarding the Faith movement.

Many things which I had taken for granted in my earlier Christian life had to be rediscovered. I began to remember some of the things that led me to faith in Christ, such as the account of how Stephen forgave his murderers (Acts 7:60). In my own case, I began to discover how God was able to work in a simple way in the ordinary things.

I am thankful to God that there were Christians I felt I could trust. They were so valuable in the transition period. There was a genuine Christianity I felt affiliated to, and that was vital in order to fill the void after the Faith movement.

Having got things in perspective after a few years, I am relieved to have escaped the movement. There are still moments when I miss the kind of all-out involvement that I experienced there but, on the whole, I feel more relaxed now. It feels much better not trying to be somebody else. If I listen to old tapes of my preaching or defending the Faith movement on a radio programme, it makes me nervous. When my wife happened to listen to the tapes at a time when I was away, she began to wonder who I really was — so great is the personality change. Both she and I prefer my non-Faith movement personality. Being able to be completely honest with myself and others is perhaps one of the best thing about having left the movement.

Footnotes

97. Deborah Davis, The Children of God, p 144