Back in my university town, I met my fellow members in the Faith group after having been away on holidays, and they all felt that our meetings were vitally important. Nearly every one was longing to start up the group again. It would be unthinkable to stop the work! To do so would be a serious let-down towards all the others who had been coming. It seemed as though I had a clear duty to keep on helping with the meetings for their sake.
But how could I renew my confidence again? The very thing that gave meaning to my life had almost been taken from me. In desperation, I hardened myself like flint towards anything or anyone that could make me doubt the Faith movement again and, once more, I involved myself with all of my resources in the work. No, I would not allow the devil to stop me!
In this way, the doubts again disappeared gradually, and the old joy and enthusiasm came back. I regarded this as a sign that I had acted rightly, and once again I became more convinced that I was taking part in preparing for the great revival I was hoping for. I really wanted to work for Jesus, and I believed God had called me into this movement in spite of the lacks I had seen. Anyway, weaknesses are to be found anywhere and you have to be engaged in some particular place or other if you are to serve the Lord. If I had to wait till I found a church without fault, I would never accomplish anything. Basically, the Faith movement had to be from God because it was the place where signs and wonders were happening — and some of the preachers had even been granted the privilege to go on a journey to heaven and hear directly from Jesus Himself about what He really wanted to do! No preachers from any other circles could match that!
“I prefer a prairie fire rather than a graveyard,” said one of the Faith preachers whom I respected a lot. I held on to this motto; I would rather be connected with something where there are some apparent exaggerations and something strange now and again, but where, at least, there is something happening. It was certainly never dead and boring!
When I showed renewed faithfulness, I gradually began to be trusted once more. This was something I determined not to lose again whatever the cost, and I was ready to do almost anything in order to be trusted. The most important thing was that I did not allow any doubts to arise in my mind about what we were doing for God. I knew that a large part of the doubts that had threatened me had come via my family, so I kept them at a distance in order to guard against any new attacks. I made sure that I always had someone with me, such as other friends from the movement, when I visited my home.
As I began to be trusted increasingly, I was also given greater responsibility. I was even allowed to interpret for American preachers and on a couple of occasions, to preach myself. I found this to be enormously satisfying, and just what I wanted. I was convinced that God was preparing me for something great and important. This made me feel more enthusiastic, and I experienced a feeling of joy and well-being at the meetings.
Though I did feel despondent now and again, the prevailing feeling was a greater and renewed anticipation of the great things that were going to take place in my life. Several people had prophesied over me personally on different occasions, and had pointed out that I was on the verge of a great and important ministry for God. It was, of course, taken for granted that the task that was ahead of me was connected with the Faith movement. In my own mind, I already had visions of a future where I was preaching to thousands of people, and great signs and wonders were happening, and multitudes of people were getting saved. My self confidence slowly began to return after my latest humiliating experience.
